(This is just my random rant… so sorry if it bores you)
Recently I had a reunion with my old uni friends. It’s no surprise, thanks to our demographics, that most of people there were either married or had/were expecting kid(s). One friend then was trying to suggest me with someone, as obviously I was the only single girl there. I asked him why he wanted me to be in a relationship. He said, well he wanted me to be happy.. many people wished him to be happy, so he wanted to wish others happiness too. I appreciate his kind thought, but I disagree with the notion that to be happy you need to be with someone. Of course, I don’t think he meant that I wasn’t happy – but I think he believes that relationship does bring happiness.
Look – I don’t disagree with that. I think happiness comes in many forms – it can come regardless whether you’re single or happiness. The key to happiness isn’t the external factors, such as being with someone or not – but rather from our own attitude and wisdom.
Another friend later on remarked that it’s time for me to get a boyfriend. This is not uncommon remark I received. A barista who works in the cafe where I get my morning coffee from also said a few times that I’d be a good girlfriend and I should have a boyfriend. I tend to brush off such comments by telling people that I’m done with guys. Well, to be honest, I half meant it…. I felt that so many guys I have come across either have too much issues in their head that they can’t give their hearts to someone else, or just d*ckhead (sorry my language! Didn’t really mean it, just to give a context).
But partly it was because I knew I needed to feel complete myself first before I can be with someone else. In the past year or so, I was working to heal my heart. Though now the wound is sealed but I don’t have the need to have one. I am enjoying the freedom of being single.
I conversed with a colleague last week who’s also single. She said she’s happy now being single as when she was in a relationship she felt that she’d lost herself. This isn’t the first time I heard such remark. And when I reflected with honesty, I think to some degree I did lose (part of) me too. I compromised part of me and gave my whole heart to someone else, yet it was crushed in the end.
If you are reading this my friends – please know that I’m not cynical or dismissing the notion of relationship. It’s just because of what I have experienced, I become more careful with whom I’m willing to give my heart (again). I need to know whether this person deserves it. Everyone comes and goes, but one person will always be with me… it’s nobody else but myself. So I have to give me the best care and priority. So the next person needs to be able to accept me who I am and is willing to give. He doesn’t need to like everything of me, but at least he can accept me with whole his heart – then he deserves my heart.
And friends….. relax! Don’t worry about me – I’m fine. I’m happy being single. And I wish you happiness, whether you’re single or not. And thank you for your kind thoughts.